The Last Supper

Tonight we all say goodbye. Some are leaving at 1am to catch a flight, others around 5am. Lee and I are splitting a car with someone from the group who also decided to go to Rishikesh, and we're leaving around 8am for a six or seven hour drive.

It's bizarre to be saying goodbye to the people who have had to take the place of friends and family in some ways, seeing that we're all disconnected and only have each other to rely on. I think we have taken a toll on Dushyant though, despite how much he adores us. Here's a photo from night before last, when we were celebrating the girl in the green sari's birthday.

So we're back to where we started. And we're going to the same restaurant as a way to end things off. Seems fitting.

In other news, my shoulders ought to be super buff by the time I get home from how heavy my bags are. I also don't know how my boobs are still attached to my chest, at this point. The amount of violent bouncing that takes place in Indian transportation is truly remarkable.

T-minus Five Days

At lunch this afternoon, discussing my plans after we all say goodbye in Delhi with a woman from the group, I got a very nice compliment. She was asking why Lee wasn't too keen on staying in a tent in Rishikesh, since that's exactly what I want to do and am up for. She said to just say please and bat my eyelashes and then the plans would be settled. I told her I probably could get my way if I wanted because I am so spoiled. She was then taken aback and said, "Oh, no. I've never known someone less spoiled by the world, ever."

I think it's partly got to do with the fact that she had to convince me earlier this morning to buy a scarf for myself. I had picked one up that I was sort of rolling around in my hands, trying to decide what to do when she leaned over and said, "You going to get that one, Allie?"

"I'm thinking about it."

"For yourself?"

I just sort of smiled and said, "I'm not sure."

"You're only allowed to get it for yourself. Now come on."

She convinced me to do it and while the fact that I spent 1080 INRs (25$) solely on myself is still in the back of my mind, I'm glad I have people looking out for me and giving me advice. This woman in particular has never been condescending when she offers her little nuggets of wisdom, which I greatly appreciate.

Maybe it sounds cliche, maybe it sounds purely ridiculous, but I'm going to be really sad to say goodbye to everyone. We really are a fantastic group. We're all friends on facebook now and plans have already been talked about by a certain few for visiting each others' countries.

It's nearly 4pm and we are meeting at six for dinner so I think I need to go poke my head around in some shops and do a last bit of bargaining. Ugh, I hate that. I hear it's a good skill to have, but I can't wait to be back home where you simply pay what you're told and that's all there is to it. 

Rabbit Rabbit Rabbit

Happy first of the month.

We are meeting for dinner at five, leaving on the bus at six for about three hours, and then we hop on a sleeper train that will drop us off in Varanasi at about eleven in the morning? If I'm remembering correctly.

Last night myself and a few others climbed up this hill (between a hill and a mountain, what should I call it?) to watch the sunset. It was beautiful and there was a breeze because there was a storm off in the distance.

I don't know what I was expecting to get out of this trip, but everything I've put into it has been given back to me times four. I will be home in eight days and that's too hard for me to wrap my head around.

Lee and I are thinking of going to Rishikesh for our last three nights, but access to internet has been scarce so solidifying plans has been impossible. Who knows where we'll end up. But that's the fun part, I suppose. 

Duschyant, We Love You

Today was eventful, to say the least. One might think I’d choose to write about visiting the Taj Mahal at sunrise, or the huge breakfast I consumed afterwards (an omelette half the size of the plate filled with tomatoes and onions, a gigantic pancake wrapped around a banana with chocolate poured on top, and two pieces of toast), shocking the tour guide. He thought I couldn’t do it. How silly, I can out-eat him, why is he doubting. I could write about how as I sit here typing this up, all but one person out of the entire group is down here in the lobby abusing the rarity of wifi.

But no, that’s not what I’m going to write about. I’m instead going to tell you why our guide is quietly sitting in the corner of a couch down here with all of us, punching away at the screen of his phone. I’m going to tell you why he is soaking up the time with us instead of retiring to his room, per usual.

That would be because today, as I was walking back to the hotel alone and most of the group was heading into McDonald’s for lunch, our guide—the sweetest and best one around, FYI—was locked in the bus by the drivers and beaten up.

I swear, everyone says that India is such a gentle country, that the people are not violent. And I have found that to be true: except for the violence I’ve witnessed and/or heard about. I am trying to believe these are exceptions to the general rule. I think I do believe that. But I just don’t understand why I’m seeing it so much.

Our guide’s name is Duschyant. I was not with the group after he came in when it happened, I was back here at the hotel. But apparently he was shaking and crying and obviously upset. He said no one had ever threatened him the way the bus drivers had, much less had a fist raised at him. Essentially what happened was that the bus drivers wanted to take us to places where they would get a kick back if we bought anything. The bus drivers are hired by the tour company, so obviously Duschyant wasn’t going to be okay with that or let it happen. So the drivers had been threatening Duschyant without any of us knowing.

And today they actually pulled him in the bus, locked him in, and started kicking, hitting, slapping him. One got a stick and beat him with that.

It’s absolutely infuriating and sickening. All for money. In addition to assaulting him, they also stole the 7000 rupees (about 160$) in his wallet. The funny thing is that Duschyant had already talked to us about tipping them nicely tomorrow, our last day being driven around by them. Now they are getting no money from us and will hopefully lose their jobs.

I was so glad to hear that the group could give Duschyant some comfort and help him through it. They came back to the hotel after lunch and someone gave him half a sleeping pill. He rested and then we went to dinner because he said he wanted to be with us. That would be why he is still down here, talking to everyone and interacting. I think he’s afraid to be alone and I don’t blame him for a second. Everyone is taking their computers over to show him pictures of their families, friends, cats and dogs. Homes. Countries. Even pictures from this trip. And he just takes it all in.

He had ice cream at dinner to make himself feel better. I just want to give him a hug and then go scream.

On our way to dinner, the drivers actually came up to us and tried to get us to go on their bus. Duschyant had other cars for us to take, but they still hovered. One of the loudmouths of the group said to one of them, “Please go away, we do not want you around.” Never loved that girl more.

I rode in the back of the car with the man from Portugal. He’s the quietest out of everyone, even me, but he was visibly upset by the drivers expecting us to go with them and told me that was ridiculous. His wife was the one who told me what had happened, and she said she’d actually had to calm her husband down because he was ready to go fight back. I’m glad that didn’t happen, but I’m proud of these people. I’m proud to be a part of them and I’m proud of the fact that this is so upsetting to everyone. I’m proud that Duschyant wants to be around us, that we give some kind of comfort or maybe (hopefully) a slight feeling of being protected. That we would defend him. If any of us had known he was being threatened by them earlier in the week, we would not have left him alone with the drivers.

Tonight was the first night that I really opened up to one of the younger women in the group, and it felt sort of wonderful. It’s been a week that we’ve been together, tomorrow. This tour is already half over and I’m going to be sad to say goodbye. We’ve become a little family and today only solidified that.

Turns out the moral law—code, nature, whatever you want to call it—is universal. Regardless of color, age, sex, or culture, today we all gathered round to defend and protect someone who had been wronged gravely.

That is the way things are meant to be.

Over Halfway

We arrived in Agra about an hour ago. It's been getting progressively hotter as we go, which was expected but still not quite prepared for. I never know the exact temperature but maybe that's best because why would anyone actually want to know when it's 115 outside.

Tomorrow morning we're getting up around 4:30 to go to the Taj Mahal for sunrise. Gotta make sure my camera is charged because I'm sure it will be beautiful.

Right now I'm sitting in the lobby, between two people from our group. Which is fantastic, by the way. Two women friends from England, one woman on her own from England, another woman on her own from Scotland, a man by himself from Florida (the only other American, sweet), two women friends, one from Canada the other from New Zealand, and a couple, the woman from Canada the man from Portugal. It's amazing, all of their stories.

The air conditioning doesn't feel like it's on, so I'm all sticky with sweat but that's normal by now. It will be sort of shocking to be able to take a shower and not feel gross immediately afterwards.

Which reminds me, last night before taking my shower I found this little bug thing that looked like a scorpion but was too small to be one. Lee wouldn't kill it and I didn't really want him to, but he just shooed it away, as if that was really going to bring me any comfort.

One terrible habit I've picked up on this trip is that I gorge myself whenever food is available. At home, I eat a little bit all day long, but here we eat three times a day, like normal people. But I find myself hungry all the time, because it's not natural for me to eat one big meal and then wait five hours. Also, there is a tendency of the food not being enough for me, given that I eat enough to weigh about eight hundred pounds. So whenever we're in a setting where I can have seconds, I usually have seconds and thirds and then end up feeling sick and looking pregnant. But then five hours later I'm starving again. I hate it and I can't wait to eat until I'm content, not stuffed, because I won't have to worry about being hungry all the time.

How blessed am I, that even when I might be feeling hungry, I've still had food that day. I get to complain about the fact that I'm not eating the way that I like. It's not as if I'm not eating, like so many people here. I'm in India, that's all there is to say.

So here is a picture of Lee to prove he is still on this trip with me, and because my battery is running out and I'm going to try and find some food to inhale.

Bollywood Anticipation

We are leaving in an hour and a half for the movie theatre. It is the largest, most crowded, and also apparently most beautiful theatre in all of India. It is a two and a half hour film so there will be a ten minute break in the middle. It already sounds so bizarre to me. But it will be air conditioned, there will be junk food, and I won't understand a word. I honestly cannot wait.

On the five hour bus ride into Jaipur yesterday morning, I was thinking about how I'm excited to start traveling on my own. Not that I haven't enjoyed traveling with Lee---I truly have---but I'm also looking forward to branching out on my own. Nothing against Lee, or anyone else for that matter, but just the idea of going, doing, seeing, and learning on my own makes me jittery with excitement. I started thinking about how I'm so determined to be independent and questioning why that is.

People expected Lee to go everywhere with me in Baga, and that actually bothered me. The day we went to the beach, he left before I did, so I ended up at the beach by myself for a bit, and then walked back on my own. When I got back, the guys at the bar were all shocked when they asked where I'd been and I said the beach. "Alone?!"

"Yes, alone."

The idea of needing a man with me at all times for the sake of protection---or anything, really---is actually quite infuriating. As soon as you tell me I can't do something on my own, I'm going to be determined to prove you wrong. Especially in such a male-driven society as this one, when they are allowed to do as they please and the women are just supposed to be quiet. You see, that only encourages me further to prove something. What am I proving though? Probably nothing, in reality, but it still feels important.

It's so strange for me, interacting with the people here. It has always been easier for me to get along with males rather than females, probably because of my brothers. But in this culture, I'm being told and shown that things don't work that way here. I don't mean to sound disrespectful with what I'm about to say, but I just continue on my way, being exactly who I am. And for this trip, that means that I'm sorry if it inconveniences them, but I'm not going to be intimidated by the differences.

While staring out my window and listening to rap to remind me of home (how silly), I tried to figure out why I feel the need to prove myself. I think a lot of it comes from the fact that I don't have a healthy father figure. I mean really, none. Lee is my uncle, not my father. My uncles on my dad's side are hardly even their own proper roles, much less a fatherly one. I know that Justin takes a lot of that on, and it comes out in his protectiveness. I try to remind him that he is my big brother and he can always be that, but he loves me and cares so of course he tries to fill the spaces that he knows are empty.

But my brothers are my brothers, and they are the ones I have to thank. They are the ones who've taught me all that I know about what it means to be a man. So instead of wallowing in the fact that I am such a cliche with my overused daddy issues, I'm just going to accept the fact that it's turned me into someone desperate for independence. Someone unafraid. Someone capable. Sure it's caused a few problems, but I don't want to view it as a part of my life that's missing. Instead, I just look at the people who've stepped up and filled it.

So much for writing things people actually want to read. I guess I'm just trying to keep up with all the things I'm learning and seeing and feeling, and that feels important. However, I realize I am not giving proper dedication to India itself. That's what the pictures will be for later, but even then, ultimately, you won't understand until you get here.

Now, I'm off to dream of the chocolate I'll have and rest before yet another crazy Indian experience takes place in the form of a Bollywood film.

Delhi is like Mumbai

In the sense that there are people, everywhere. But I felt better able to handle it after having a heavenly eight days in Goa.

And it's nearly time to leave Delhi, because in the morning we're leaving for Jaipur. The heat here was nowhere close to as bad as I expected. Goa was so humid that this heat feels like nothing. Maybe when we get to some of the hotter cities I will feel like death, but for now it's not so bad.

As I was bouncing violently around in the back of an auto-rickshaw, I realized that I never want this to end. The experience, the learning, the challenges, I never want that to end. Of course I am looking forward to going home in a way, but I am loving every minute of being here. I am so incredibly blessed to be able to go on this month long adventure, and it's sparked something in me that may never go out. I want to be like the people I've met. I want to travel and go and do. I want to go home and take breaks and live and feel able to breathe, but I also realize that this is important to me.

Maybe I will try to write things people might actually want to read later on, but for now you get my half-thought-out, totally-heartfelt realizations.